For many Australians, Christmas isn’t the calm, joyful time it appears on the surface. It can be stressful, emotional and overwhelming. Especially if you’re quietly considering separation.
If you’re entering the holidays feeling conflicted, or simply exhausted by the tension at home, you’re not alone. December is one of the hardest months for relationships, and it’s also the month people search for answers the most.
Here’s how to get through Christmas steadily, even if you’re thinking about separating.
1. Reduce emotional load wherever you can
Christmas layers pressure on top of existing issues.
You’re not imagining it, everything feels bigger.
Try lowering expectations:
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simplify the day
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keep plans small
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limit people who trigger conflict
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avoid over-committing to events or travel
Less pressure creates more emotional space.
2. Avoid “relationship autopsies” during the holidays
December is not the time for heavy conversations like:
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“We need to talk about our issues tonight.”
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“I think we should separate.”
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“We can’t go on like this.”
These conversations usually escalate when emotions are already stretched.
If you’re considering separation, hold steady and wait for a calm, private moment. Ideally after the peak holiday emotion has passed.
3. Keep communication clear, neutral and predictable
If you’re living together but mentally preparing to separate, communication can feel fragile.
Stick to:
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practical, short messages
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predictable routines
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neutral tone
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avoiding sarcasm, jabs or personal commentary
Short, structured communication reduces tension and protects everyone’s mental space.
4. Protect the children’s sense of stability
Children don’t need perfection. They need the adults to be steady.
Keep it simple:
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routines as normal as possible
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reassurance when things feel tense
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predictable downtime
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no arguments in front of them
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no hinting about separation or future changes
Children remember how Christmas felt, not how it looked.
5. Don’t announce separation during the holiday high-stress period
Announcing separation at Christmas, especially on Christmas Day, can create long-lasting emotional associations for children and extended family.
Unless there is a safety issue, wait.
You can prepare quietly now and choose a calmer moment in January when children are settled, routines resume and emotions are less reactive.
6. Get support early so you don’t feel alone
You do not have to navigate this month without guidance.
People often feel responsible for “holding it together” through Christmas. That doesn’t mean you have to carry the emotional load alone.
Support might look like:
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a counsellor or psychologist
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a trusted professional
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a family lawyer who helps you understand January options
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reducing emotional labour where possible
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letting someone else host or organise
You don’t need to be everything for everyone right now.
7. Use December to get clarity, not to make decisions
You don’t need to decide anything today.
But you can use December to quietly:
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understand your legal position
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think about living arrangements
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consider what you want for the future
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get clarity on financial basics
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understand timelines
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get advice that steadies you
Clarity now makes January calmer, and safer for everyone involved.
If Christmas feels heavy, you’re not doing anything wrong
Many adults struggle through December in silence.
You’re not alone, and you’re not failing.
If you’re thinking about separating in the new year, getting grounded, expert advice now will help you protect your wellbeing, and your children through the holidays.
Book a free 15-minute call with our team by clicking here.