When you reach a crossroads in your marriage, there are 3 choices – which one will you make?
- Separate?
- Stay in the relationship but lead parallel lives?
- Build something new by acknowledging the old marriage is over and starting fresh with a new dynamic?
It’s natural to wonder, “Should I or shouldn’t I?” This question often lingers in the minds of those caught in the Pre-Divorce Phase. The uncertainty can feel overwhelming, but it’s important to acknowledge that this is a common phase in many relationships. If any of the following sounds familiar, you’re not alone:
- “I’ve reached the end of my rope, and I just don’t know what else to do.”
- “He or she doesn’t hear what I’m saying. They don’t understand how unhappy I am! I’m trying to get their attention!”
- “I believe that everything will be better when I get divorced. I’ll finally have my freedom, find a new relationship, or get what I’m owed after all this time. It was never really a marriage to begin with, and I’m sick of pretending or settling.”
- “I’m afraid it won’t get better. It used to be better, but now I don’t have any hope that this is just a valley with another peak ahead.”
- “My spouse’s health is deteriorating, and I’m carrying all the weight.”
- “My spouse has checked out of everything – it’s like they’ve retired from the relationship.”
- “I’ve been doing everything for so long, I’m just tired! I resent that they can’t handle their own responsibilities.”
Understanding Your Own Role
It’s easy to point fingers, but it’s equally important to ask yourself: What actions have I taken that may have contributed to this situation? Sometimes, a relationship goes off course because of years of misunderstandings, unmet needs, or simply taking each other for granted.
Imagining the Future
If you decide to move forward with separation or divorce, how will things change for you? What will be different? Will you truly feel the relief and happiness you’re hoping for, or is there more to unpack before you make a life-altering decision?
Have you explored other options to create the happiness you’re looking for? Maybe counselling, a serious heart-to-heart conversation, or even setting new boundaries could shift the course of your relationship. These efforts may not immediately “fix” everything, but they might help you see the situation in a new light.
Setting Boundaries
It’s also crucial to ask yourself: How have you trained your spouse to treat you? Relationships thrive on mutual respect, and boundaries are essential for healthy interactions. Have you established your limits? What happens when those boundaries are violated?
Making the Tough Decision
At the end of the day, your decision needs to be based on what you truly need and desire. If you’ve done everything in your power to address the issues, and you still feel stuck, it may be time to make a move. But if you haven’t fully explored all possibilities for change – if you haven’t clearly communicated your needs or given the relationship a chance to transform – it may be worth pausing and reconsidering your options.
Whatever you choose, know that this moment of uncertainty is a part of a larger journey. Whether you decide to rebuild, separate, or move on, taking time to reflect and assess your feelings will be a key part of making the best decision for your future.
If you’re ready to explore these questions further and get the clarity you need, reach out and explore your options with us.