A lot of people think about separation often. Statistics show that all married couples contemplate separation at least once, some a lot more. But what makes people actually go through with it? And do people regret it when they do?
As specialist family lawyers with 20+ years of experience supporting couples and families going through the divorce journey, we have put together a test to determine if you are truly ready to take the plunge.
- What is one thing you are most trying to avoid?
Consider one thing only, rather than putting it together in lots of small things. Then ask yourself, is that one thing repairable? Are you running away from it because it is too hard or is it something you can save with some other support? - Picture communicating the separation to your spouse, what do you anticipate their reaction to be?
Sadness but relief? Or sadness and surprise? Is it anger or grief? What could you have done to prepare them better? There are ways to expect a better outcome by being prepared and preparing them, both emotionally and practically. - What role have you played in all of this?
It’s easy to blame your spouse. Are you giving your best self to this relationship? Are you working hard on you, your strengths, bringing out what is good in you and them? Have you assessed your own current wellbeing; taken time out to consider your role? Is it just stress of work, kids or a combination, leading to no communication and no connection? Is it that you need time out to talk instead? Lay it all out and consider options first. - Have you asked someone who disagrees with you, for feedback about this?
I don’t mean people supporting your view, but someone you know disagrees. Someone that thinks you should stick it out, what do they say? - How many assumptions are you making rather than actually fact finding?
What else would you discover or choose if the opposite of your assumptions is true. - If you make this choice, how will you feel in 10 minutes, 10 days, 10 months?
Picture yourself in those situations, supported properly, what does it feel like? Don’t focus on the practicalities of this; the legal outcome or the financial one, just the feeling. Is it what you might want for yourself now? - Which of your core values as a person are you supporting with this decision?
Is this supporting you to be a better version of you?
Sometimes, people rush to separation when it all gets too hard and then fill with regret later. Don’t be one of them. It’s a tough decision.
When having feelings like this, it’s best to be informed.
As internationally accredited and certified divorce coaches and accredited family law specialists, we have the unique skills to understand your emotional needs as well as support you to achieve your best outcomes.
It’s worth a chat!